*~My World~*

Is my heart trying to return to the comfortable dream
Or resisting the need to re-establish the fantasy?
In my world grass was such a beautiful green---
I wasn't prepared to lose sight of it so easily.

The colours I used to paint my world are different now.
It seems their sparkling brilliance is lost forever.
The character I created for myself has become distant somehow.
What was I like before.....I can't seem to remember.

No matter how dark the night was, I used to see the stars
In my world dreams and wishes could become real
But that was before I invited him in, naively, this far.
Now I remember how reality can make someone feel.

There's no point in trying to repaint my world, broken temporarily.
I can only let the colours fade as my heart holds onto him foolishly.

♫~Elaine~♫

I think my mind is messed up because I haven't had enough time to paint or do art stuff recently. 
Well...I did take really intricate 'notes' in EOS lectures but it's not the same as painting. I really miss painting.
There's also the fear that I won't be able to think of something to paint while I sit infront of my canvas.
I miss who I used to be...I had an endless pool of imagination for paintings.  Reality can really hit someone hard haha
School and other things can really take over someone's life and put restrictions on their characters.
What am I talking about? I have no idea actually :P Maybe I'm getting weird because I'm being anti-social during this last critical week of classes.
(0_0) I don't remember the last time I had a test everyday of the week. Oh well. One down, 5 to go. 4 more days. Yes. That means I have 2 tests on one of those days.

*aigh* ok rant is over. back to EOS.

*~Inside Outside~*

It was so quiet, so peaceful
On the outside.
She was silent, sorrowful
On the inside.

He remains here, her company
Sitting beside her.
She hides the fact she'd be lonely
When he's far from her.

As he tells her more and more
She smiles from inside.
This time is different than before
Acting on the outside.

He always sees her happy face
Don't think too deeply.
She works hard to not show a trace
The wound still bleeds weakly.

On the outside they pretend to believe she's fine.
On the inside she chooses to believe he is blind.

♫~Elaine~♫

As I stared at my reflection last night
I wondered what she was thinking.
My reflection, if she had a voice...
What would she say?

*~The Reflection~*

I'm saddened by the girl standing in front of me
Who chooses to hide as much pain as possible inside.
I'm powerless as I watch her struggle quietly,
Unwilling to confide with another because of her pride.

Each night I hear her whispering as she wonders why
Her heart always chooses to love wrongly.
It saddens me to see how desperately she needs to cry
And yet, is unable to let tears run freely.

I, too, feel hopeless as we stare at each other.
Her pain is my pain as well;
For I am her reflection trapped within this mirror.
Neither of us can escape his spell.

My face shows the true feelings she keeps in the dark.
His presence dictates the joy and pain in our hearts.

♫~Elaine~♫

*~Her Mask~*

Once again she's enshrouded with hopes she can't erase.
She can be saved but she's unwilling to change.
This is the one she loves, there is no other face.
Her feelings grow stronger and can't be rearranged.

Once more she strays back to the rocky path---
A path she continues to walk down alone.
She knows only he can convince her to laugh---
Laugh and forget how he isn't her own.

With all her heart she hides what she feels---
Not wanting to interrupt his beloved studies.
She fears she will never again believe in what's real
But her feelings for him will only remain in stories.

The vibrant colours of the mask she needs to wear
Cannot conceal all the grimness so apparent there.

♫~Elaine~♫

This is bordering on cheesy..>_< *aigh* but at least it's not an emo poem so don't complain >_<
I probably won't write very many happy poems so enjoy this one haha

*~If You're Happy~*

I was scared you wouldn't accept my gifts anymore
But I realize now I didn't have to worry.
We're even better friends than we were before
And seeing your smiling face made me happy.

I like listening to the dorky things you say,
And you! You laugh at the things I do.
It's easy for others to brighten my day
But no one makes me smile as easily as you.

It may be stupid of me to go on like this ---
You're still the first one I think of.
When surrounded by others, it's you I miss---
The pain keeps pulsing, insistent but soft.

If you're happy and you're smiling for me
I'll keep laughing and waiting patiently.

♫~Elaine~♫

So I haven't been posting the recent poems up here but I will now =P They're all organized nicely on deviantart but since everything looks prettier here I'm posting them here. 

*~The Reason~*

This morning I woke up to a thin veil of snow,
And in my heart you were floating lightly.
Not yet awake, I let the truth show---
My reflection remembered and smiled sweetly.

As I stood in the cold, still half-dreaming,
Resigned that I would arrive late today,
I struggled to keep myself from wishing
For you to pass by on your way.

The wind chilled and froze my face
As my mind woke and took over again,
And fixed the familiar frown in place.
I hope you can never see my real pain.

Then suddenly you pulled up in front of me.
I can never hide my smile with you.
Little acts of kindness draw me in so easily.
You always pick me up when I'm blue.

Though you are the reason I'm hurting inside,
You're also the reason my smile hasn't died.


*~Between~*

You never wander far from my mind
Though I know I won't be able to find
A special place in your eyes for me
Because you'd rather remain carefree.

I sometimes wonder if it shows in my eyes-
When you see me smile do you know of my lies?
I told you I don't really care anymore
But you'll be the only one who can open the door.

I'm learning to keep certain emotions hidden.
I realized it was useless-all that effort I'd given,
Wasting so much time and energy
On holding my dream foolishly.

I'm neither happy nor sad in this state I'm in.
As long as you're near, my heart lies in between.


*~You~*

You know a part of me I hide from everyone else.
Why did I turn to you?
The way you lift my mood is so effortless ---
Am I being a fool?

You give me encouragement because you know ---
I'm glad you are near me.
We've both had to deal with similar problems ---
I'm trying to stay happy.

The complexity of my pain is ever evolving ---
You are a part of it.
Perhaps I'm letting you become too important ---
To you, where do I sit?

I feel comfort in thinking, assuming you care.
Though you don't love me, I'm glad you are there.


*~Did I? Did You?~*

When you didn't see me this morning
Foolishly waiting by the road,
Did I appear in your mind at all?

It's hard to keep my heart from hurting,
Standing alone in the cold...
Did you think of me at all?

I laugh at myself for dreaming,
Willing to believe and hope.
Didn't I tell you I wouldn't fall?

When you decide to start looking
I may still be hanging around.
Did you notice how quickly I fall?

I did tell you once what you mean to me
But you wouldn't know that was the first time---
The first time I found courage to tell anybody.

Sometimes I still wonder...
Did I really sing my song just for you?
Did you really believe
My heart's not broken in two?


*~My Choice~*

I feel more and more foolish each minute I stand here
Yet I'll continue to wait for you.
I no longer have the energy to shed for you a tear
But I'll still be waiting like a fool.

If there was a choice no one would choose to be sad.
Perhaps I hold on in vain.
It's necessary to fall, to learn and I am glad----
Your friendship can deflect my pain.

I was afraid you would once again become a stranger
And hide away once you know.
You quickly became an important character---
Both creating and filling the hole.

If I could choose again I'd choose the same.
I treasure your friendship I gained through the pain.

♫~Elaine~♫

That's all for now :)